I was watching Dr. Wayne Dyer yesterday on PBS. He's a big advocate of public television and helps with their stations' fundraising each year. Yesterday's program was "The Power of Intention." He spoke of connecting to Source Spirit and one of the ways he recommended to do this was by being kind and serving others. By being an instrument of Spirit/God/whatever-label-you-prefer, you bring blessings to others and in return, increase your own blessings and level of happiness.
Its incredibly cold in Denver today and is expected to plunge well below 0 tomorrow. Today, I had an opportunity to serve. I wont give too many details, because I believe that telling others about your good deeds takes away some of the power of the experience. But I've had an extra pair of gloves in the trunk of my car for at least the last 5 years, in the event of an emergency. I was able to give those gloves today to someone who needed them NOW much more than I might need them in the future, and how that opportunity presented itself was sheer serendipity, at least for me.
It made me so happy to be able to provide something at the exact moment someone truly needed that thing. Thank you, Spirit, for moving me to act and for allowing me to serve.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
The Love Gov
I just saw a news blurb about the SC governor who got busted having an affair with an Argentinian woman. He's now divorced and was photographed on a beach with his 'soul mate.' I'll probably catch flak for this, but really, good for him. I'm sure he feels awful about the hurt he caused his wife, but here's someone who decided to be true to himself. He left politics and gave up everything to be with this person who he feels is his other half. I'm not saying it's romantic, and I'm not necessarily condoning it. But he took a huge leap of faith regardless of all the complications and fear I'm sure he felt.
Some people get lucky early in life and find their one true love right away. Stories of childhood sweethearts that are married for 60, 70 and sometimes even 80 years always deeply touch my heart. Most of us fall in love a few times before we marry. And some of us marry who we think is "The One", not being honest with ourselves and only realizing after the marriage goes up in flames that we were settling out of fear of never being loved again. I'm guilty of the latter two.
I knew when I met Riker all those years ago, that he was my one true love. Our relationship was less than perfect and often stormy. For all those years, I wondered, "What if?" What if we had met sooner before we both experienced all the hurt and pain of our other relationships. What if we hadnt wasted all this time before we rediscovered each other? What if we had stayed together then? What if we could be together now, instead of having to wait until our lives are more manageable?
Then I have to remind myself of my core belief that everything happens for a reason, and happens as it should, in it's own time and season. Riker and I are not the same people now that we were when we first met. We're older and a little wiser and much more aware of how easy it is to hurt the ones we love. We were both broken and blind and foolish back then. Our separate lives while we were apart have not only healed our hearts and souls, but taught us the lessons we needed to become the people we each believed the other could be. I've seen him grow into the compassionate, considerate, unselfish man I knew he really was. He's seen me grow into the calm, reasonable, patient woman he knew was hiding under the insecure, quick-tempered, hurtful woman who lashed out at him for lack of better coping skills.
We arent perfect. We're both still flawed and human. Had we stayed together then or met each other sooner in our youth, we probably would have torn each other apart no matter how great our love. Back then I couldnt understand why we couldnt work things out when I knew we were absolutely right for each other. We each needed to learn and grow on our own in order to reach a point where we could be all that the other needed. I miss the years we missed out on, but knowing what I know now, I'd go through it all again if I had to, to be able to be in this time and space. Even with the distance and the complications of our lives, knowing the full depth of our relationship soothes the times when I feel frustrated or lonely. I wish everyone were fortunate enough to find their one true other half and be able to be with them. I will be endlessly grateful the rest of my life knowing I found mine, regardless of how long we wait to share the same roof.
Some people get lucky early in life and find their one true love right away. Stories of childhood sweethearts that are married for 60, 70 and sometimes even 80 years always deeply touch my heart. Most of us fall in love a few times before we marry. And some of us marry who we think is "The One", not being honest with ourselves and only realizing after the marriage goes up in flames that we were settling out of fear of never being loved again. I'm guilty of the latter two.
I knew when I met Riker all those years ago, that he was my one true love. Our relationship was less than perfect and often stormy. For all those years, I wondered, "What if?" What if we had met sooner before we both experienced all the hurt and pain of our other relationships. What if we hadnt wasted all this time before we rediscovered each other? What if we had stayed together then? What if we could be together now, instead of having to wait until our lives are more manageable?
Then I have to remind myself of my core belief that everything happens for a reason, and happens as it should, in it's own time and season. Riker and I are not the same people now that we were when we first met. We're older and a little wiser and much more aware of how easy it is to hurt the ones we love. We were both broken and blind and foolish back then. Our separate lives while we were apart have not only healed our hearts and souls, but taught us the lessons we needed to become the people we each believed the other could be. I've seen him grow into the compassionate, considerate, unselfish man I knew he really was. He's seen me grow into the calm, reasonable, patient woman he knew was hiding under the insecure, quick-tempered, hurtful woman who lashed out at him for lack of better coping skills.
We arent perfect. We're both still flawed and human. Had we stayed together then or met each other sooner in our youth, we probably would have torn each other apart no matter how great our love. Back then I couldnt understand why we couldnt work things out when I knew we were absolutely right for each other. We each needed to learn and grow on our own in order to reach a point where we could be all that the other needed. I miss the years we missed out on, but knowing what I know now, I'd go through it all again if I had to, to be able to be in this time and space. Even with the distance and the complications of our lives, knowing the full depth of our relationship soothes the times when I feel frustrated or lonely. I wish everyone were fortunate enough to find their one true other half and be able to be with them. I will be endlessly grateful the rest of my life knowing I found mine, regardless of how long we wait to share the same roof.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
First Amendment
HA! I'll bet you thought I was going to get all Constitutional on you, huh?
So. My original statement was that I would blog on a daily basis about an experience I had through the course of each day this year for which I was grateful. Sadly, less than a month into this new year and I've missed several days of posting. Please accept my apologies, and let me offer this amendment. I will post every day that my school course load and health dont interfere.
My classes have proven to be more labor intensive than I thought. I knew Anatomy and Physiology I and Lab would be tough. But I was mistaken that my Women's Studies classes would be a bit easier. Adding to that, I was diagnosed with yet ANOTHER kidney infection on Wednesday. The new PA at the student health center put me on Cipro which is a med I havent taken before. Of course, if a med is going to have an uncommon side effect, I'm usually the uncommon person that experiences it. This would be no exception. So far, I'm not experiencing some of the extremes connected to the antibiotic, but lets just say that at this point, the cure is almost as bad as the ailment. Then again, I know from past experience, a lesser antibiotic wouldnt knock out the infection.
So, where's the ray of sunshine in all this, while I sit here feeling grumpy and like hammered crap? I'm reaching for this one, but it does exhibit that I'm trying to use logic instead of fear and worry. One of my biggest fears about being diabetic and contracting kidney infections is that my renal functioning is going to go tits-up quicker than what I'm prepared for. Dialysis is a very real fear for most diabetics as is losing appendages due to poor circulation and eventual blindness caused by retinopathy (another complication of impaired circulation). Generally speaking, these complications usually only occur in diabetics who have had difficulty controlling their blood glucose levels and A1C's. This isnt to insinuate that they dont take care of themselves. I know most diabetics really try. But even folks with strict compliance and insulin pumps arent always able to bring the numbers down. Their diabetes is severe. And even with their best intentions and efforts, they suffer any to many of the complications associated with this hated disease.
Kidney failure is a legitimate worry of mine every time I have a urinary tract infection, worrying if it will move up into the bladder before I catch it in time. Or if I dont, it moves up into the kidneys as it has this time. Cranberry juice and AZO aside, I didnt see the severity of this one until my kidneys started hurting and my urine was cloudy. I dont know if this is how it's always going to be now, or if my immune system just hasnt recovered enough to fight off every insidious little bacteria that wants to work it's way through my urinary system.
But you were waiting for the good news, right? Where's my gratitude in this latest ailment? A little over a month ago when I started having nightly leg cramps, my Kaiser doc ran a renal functioning test to see how things were looking in that area. All the results came back good. I had no mineral deficiencies at that time and my kidneys were working fine. So. I'm grateful for that. And to push down the fear and to be logical and to try and quit worrying, I have to tell myself that my kidneys couldnt have possibly started deteriorating in just a month's time. This is just another infection and I really dont feel nearly as sick as I did a year ago when I had my first kidney infection. Its going to be okay. The infections are frustrating setbacks, but I am still getting better every day. My A1C from a week ago was 7.2. I'm almost under the 7.0 mark that measures great glucose control. I will suck this up and keep going. There's no other option. I have a busy life and important goals to reach. I refuse to feel sorry for myself anymore, no matter how frustrated I might get. My diabetes and how it and my body work with and against each other is just proving to be a bit more challenging than I had initially expected. I'm still on a learning curve here. My overall health is much better than it was a year ago, and the last time I saw my Kaiser doctor she told me that all things considered, I'm actually in pretty good health. I vow to keep that in mind as I continue to regain my footing in this life-altering experience.
Now tell me...arent you a bit surprised? You were expecting a rant on first amendment rights, and you got a quick little venting about pee and me.
So. My original statement was that I would blog on a daily basis about an experience I had through the course of each day this year for which I was grateful. Sadly, less than a month into this new year and I've missed several days of posting. Please accept my apologies, and let me offer this amendment. I will post every day that my school course load and health dont interfere.
My classes have proven to be more labor intensive than I thought. I knew Anatomy and Physiology I and Lab would be tough. But I was mistaken that my Women's Studies classes would be a bit easier. Adding to that, I was diagnosed with yet ANOTHER kidney infection on Wednesday. The new PA at the student health center put me on Cipro which is a med I havent taken before. Of course, if a med is going to have an uncommon side effect, I'm usually the uncommon person that experiences it. This would be no exception. So far, I'm not experiencing some of the extremes connected to the antibiotic, but lets just say that at this point, the cure is almost as bad as the ailment. Then again, I know from past experience, a lesser antibiotic wouldnt knock out the infection.
So, where's the ray of sunshine in all this, while I sit here feeling grumpy and like hammered crap? I'm reaching for this one, but it does exhibit that I'm trying to use logic instead of fear and worry. One of my biggest fears about being diabetic and contracting kidney infections is that my renal functioning is going to go tits-up quicker than what I'm prepared for. Dialysis is a very real fear for most diabetics as is losing appendages due to poor circulation and eventual blindness caused by retinopathy (another complication of impaired circulation). Generally speaking, these complications usually only occur in diabetics who have had difficulty controlling their blood glucose levels and A1C's. This isnt to insinuate that they dont take care of themselves. I know most diabetics really try. But even folks with strict compliance and insulin pumps arent always able to bring the numbers down. Their diabetes is severe. And even with their best intentions and efforts, they suffer any to many of the complications associated with this hated disease.
Kidney failure is a legitimate worry of mine every time I have a urinary tract infection, worrying if it will move up into the bladder before I catch it in time. Or if I dont, it moves up into the kidneys as it has this time. Cranberry juice and AZO aside, I didnt see the severity of this one until my kidneys started hurting and my urine was cloudy. I dont know if this is how it's always going to be now, or if my immune system just hasnt recovered enough to fight off every insidious little bacteria that wants to work it's way through my urinary system.
But you were waiting for the good news, right? Where's my gratitude in this latest ailment? A little over a month ago when I started having nightly leg cramps, my Kaiser doc ran a renal functioning test to see how things were looking in that area. All the results came back good. I had no mineral deficiencies at that time and my kidneys were working fine. So. I'm grateful for that. And to push down the fear and to be logical and to try and quit worrying, I have to tell myself that my kidneys couldnt have possibly started deteriorating in just a month's time. This is just another infection and I really dont feel nearly as sick as I did a year ago when I had my first kidney infection. Its going to be okay. The infections are frustrating setbacks, but I am still getting better every day. My A1C from a week ago was 7.2. I'm almost under the 7.0 mark that measures great glucose control. I will suck this up and keep going. There's no other option. I have a busy life and important goals to reach. I refuse to feel sorry for myself anymore, no matter how frustrated I might get. My diabetes and how it and my body work with and against each other is just proving to be a bit more challenging than I had initially expected. I'm still on a learning curve here. My overall health is much better than it was a year ago, and the last time I saw my Kaiser doctor she told me that all things considered, I'm actually in pretty good health. I vow to keep that in mind as I continue to regain my footing in this life-altering experience.
Now tell me...arent you a bit surprised? You were expecting a rant on first amendment rights, and you got a quick little venting about pee and me.
Monday, January 17, 2011
January Back-to-School thoughts
Classes resume for me tomorrow. This will most likely be my last semester as a full time student. While I've enjoyed the time away from working, in looking at my future and long term goals, I think it best that I start looking for a job. Because of the shortage of nursing instructors, most RN programs in the area are on a 1-2 year waitlist. One of my tasks this semester is to get my transcripts evaluated and apply to the various programs I'm eligible for. My hope is still that I'll be accepted into the accelerated program at Metro when I've finished my psych degree. But in light of the practical matters of daily living, I think it makes more financial sense to me to return to my previous status of full time employee and part time student. I do plan on taking advantage of my educational opportunities while they last, and I suppose if I still havent found a job by the summer, I'll have to re-evaluate my situation and options.
I'm hoping to have a better semester than I did last, and I'm grateful there are no sinus infections or wild fires right now to slow me down, as there were last September. I feel pretty good, all things considered. My latest A1C came back today. It was a 7.2. Not quite under 7 like my doctor wants to see, but it's still down from the 7.5 in July. Considering all my holiday indulgences, I'd say that's not bad. I have a lot of hopes for the next few months. I hope to have a succcessful semester and get my GPA back up. I hope to quit smoking. I hope to exercise daily and be more conscientious of my food plan. I hope to get my A1C to goal, and I hope to be able to dump some of the meds I'm on. But I'm feeling hopeful. Compared to where I was a year ago when I first left the paper, that feels amazing. It's been a bumpy road, but I'm really grateful for this time I've had and to have come out on the other side of it a little stronger, a little kinder and A LOT more hopeful.
I'm hoping to have a better semester than I did last, and I'm grateful there are no sinus infections or wild fires right now to slow me down, as there were last September. I feel pretty good, all things considered. My latest A1C came back today. It was a 7.2. Not quite under 7 like my doctor wants to see, but it's still down from the 7.5 in July. Considering all my holiday indulgences, I'd say that's not bad. I have a lot of hopes for the next few months. I hope to have a succcessful semester and get my GPA back up. I hope to quit smoking. I hope to exercise daily and be more conscientious of my food plan. I hope to get my A1C to goal, and I hope to be able to dump some of the meds I'm on. But I'm feeling hopeful. Compared to where I was a year ago when I first left the paper, that feels amazing. It's been a bumpy road, but I'm really grateful for this time I've had and to have come out on the other side of it a little stronger, a little kinder and A LOT more hopeful.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Jealousy is an ugly thing
...and one of my greatest flaws. But as I've worked over the years at learning to control my temper, I think maybe I'm finally learning to control my jealousy as well. I took a minute, took a deep breathe and realized that I have no real need to be jealous. All the things I want most, I have.
Thank goodness I stopped myself from my knee-jerk reaction to throw a snit.
Thank goodness I stopped myself from my knee-jerk reaction to throw a snit.
Friday, January 14, 2011
"Machete don't text."
Technology has changed my life. The wonder of the internet created the circumstances for my meeting my hunny a lot of years ago. Email allowed us to sporadically keep in touch all the years that we distantly orbited each other's worlds after our breakup. When we reconnected two years ago, text messaging via cell phones (that weren't as big as bricks like they were when we first met) allowed us to be in touch daily, even though we now live in two different states. Tonight, technology allowed us to have a movie night date. While he watched a dvd at home, I watched the same movie through Netflix on my laptop, and we were able to text back and forth our comments on the movie.
Several people in my world have asked me how we've managed to sustain this long distance relationship when we dont get to see each other that often. Technology, bay-bee! So many couples are so busy with jobs, and kids, and the kids' activities and maintaining a household that by the end of the day they drop into bed exhausted, perhaps without even having a meaningful exchange with their partner through the course of the day. Riker and I may not share the same physical space, but we share 'good mornings' and little quips throughout the day, and "good night and sweet dreams" at the end of the day. I dont have to worry about picking up his dirty socks and he doesnt have to deal with my grumpy ass when I first wake up.(I am NOT a morning person.) Yes, I miss seeing his smile when I wake up, and his shoulder when I'm feeling droopy. But I have his heart and his daily communication. Isnt that the most basic foundation for any relationship?
Technology has changed my life and been responsible for me finding the love of my life. So tonight, thanks, Al Gore, for inventing the internets!
Several people in my world have asked me how we've managed to sustain this long distance relationship when we dont get to see each other that often. Technology, bay-bee! So many couples are so busy with jobs, and kids, and the kids' activities and maintaining a household that by the end of the day they drop into bed exhausted, perhaps without even having a meaningful exchange with their partner through the course of the day. Riker and I may not share the same physical space, but we share 'good mornings' and little quips throughout the day, and "good night and sweet dreams" at the end of the day. I dont have to worry about picking up his dirty socks and he doesnt have to deal with my grumpy ass when I first wake up.(I am NOT a morning person.) Yes, I miss seeing his smile when I wake up, and his shoulder when I'm feeling droopy. But I have his heart and his daily communication. Isnt that the most basic foundation for any relationship?
Technology has changed my life and been responsible for me finding the love of my life. So tonight, thanks, Al Gore, for inventing the internets!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Here comes the sun
I'm sorry for all the people around the country that are still being hammered by such frigid weather, and the folks in Australia that are under siege by flooding. The weather here today was sunny and warm by comparison to what we've had lately. Temperatures are expected to continue to rise and may reach 60 by Sunday. Thanks to all the road crews for their hard work lately clearing the roads, and today for plowing slush.
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